August 04, 2003

Definitive Proof that John Collins is an Evil Pinko Commie Scum

Over at Sanity's Edge Paul makes a seemingly innocuous post:

Much like Collins, I like football. I played football. I was good at football. I understand football. I watch football.

But I dont understand baseball. I know its a complex game, but I dont understand the subtleties. I have a hard time watching it. It seems like nothing ever happens. Its over my head.

Help me understand. For instance, why does the catcher give signals to the pitcher? What does he know that the pitcher doesnt?

But in the comments, lurking like a tiger 'midst the shadows, quickly springs Collins with the obviously precrafted, ready-to-go response. Fortunately, like Don Luskin and the Krugman Truth Squad on a new NYT column, I quickly sifted through the lies and propaganda of the Commies in my quest for the truth:

Note how smarmy and detailed are Collins' lies:

It's not that he knows something the pitcher doesn't, Paul. But the catcher has to know what pitch is coming. If you're expecting a 95 mph fastball and you get a curveball in the dirt, you aren't going to be able to catch it. So the catcher signals the pitch he thinks the pitcher wants to throw, and the pitcher will either throw that pitch or shake his head no and the catcher will give him the sign for another pitch. That's why its also important for catchers and pitchers to be well acquainted; if they aren't on the same page you will see alot of passed balls, and the catcher won't be set up in the right place to catch the ball.
Umpires also use the catcher as part of their judgement when calling balls and strikes. If a pitch is close, and the ump isn't sure, he will notice the way the catcher catches it. If he doesn't have to move his glove, he's gonna call it a strike. If he has to stretch his arm out and go get the ball, he's gonna call it a ball. That's what is known as "framing the pitch".
Fortunately, I was able to counter his deceiving Commie ways:
Collins is a liar, don't believe him.
The truth is, the catcher is really a evil pinko commie. He's passing top secret government info to his commie friends who are watching TV. Proving me right is the fact that both "Commie" and "Catcher" begin with a "C". Clearly a plot, eh?

Other Commie things that start with C:

Collins (you see why he made up all that crap above, he doesn't want you to know he's a pinko fellow-traveller)
Collinization
"K"entucky (they disguised it but I see through their evil Communist propaganda)
California (duh)
crayons (real Americans use markers)
Paul Krugman (another disguised one)

I said it there and I'll say it again: "Collins, I hope you know I'm on to you and your nefarious leftist schemes. Ils ne passaront pa... er, they won't get through to us."

The truth always wins in the end.

Posted by Tim at August 4, 2003 09:27 PM
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