July 25, 2003

Classical values? Try Moonbat values.

Eric has floated a Peace Plan to stop the impending war. Great, you say. Frnak is a great and talented satirist, and Glenn Reynolds is, well, the George Washington of blogging. No one wants a war. But this plan is ludicrous. Let's do the "Liberal Moonbat Checklist" on his recent response to my denouncement of his plan:

The peace plan is WORKING! Let's give it a chance!
I am shocked and stunned.
Someone does not like the Classical Values Peace Plan©!
I have said before that I would try to answer all criticism, and much as it pains me, this is no exception.
Outraged, "shocked, SHOCKED!" tone? Check.
Let me tell you, it is not easy to wake up in the morning to find yourself the victim of a right-wing smear campaign attempting to link you to Neville Chamberlain! The comparison is very unfair, and hurtful to my self-esteem. Neville Chamberlain's situation was very complicated, and not easily stereotyped by means of such glib, mean-spirited one-liners. True, his plan may be called appeasement today, but it was never given a real chance to work because of a climate of jingoism and imperialism which clouded the minds of the time, poisoned the wells of human love and understanding, and made it impossible for human beings to open up to each other and begin the New Era of peace and understanding which I believe is upon us now -- if only we would let it evolve!
Mention of VRWC? Check.
Self-esteem whining/claims of unfairness? Check.
Claims of 'nuances' and 'complexity'? Check.
Mis-interpreted, mis-applied historical analogy? Check.
Evidence to back up claims? No.
The claim is often made that "appeasement never works." Well, since I floated the Classical Values Peace Plan©, there has not been one shot fired in anger by IMAO. Frank J. has had time to find out about the peace plan, and he is obviously thinking it over carefully. Because in my heart I know that all men are good, and all men want to be good, I believe in Frank's ultimate goodwill. He would never knowingly start a war of aggression -- certainly not if his point of view is thoroughly taken into account, his grievances carefully listened to, and his reasonable demands met. What Frank wants is not much different, after all, from what we all want. We all want hits, and we all want recognition, and we all tend to resent that the bigger and stronger tend to get their way in a world which often forgets the human dynamics of interpersonal interaction.
Idiotic claims of human goodness? Check.
Wants agressor's 'point of view' to be understood? Check.
Resentfulness of the 'bigger and stronger'? Check.
Evidence to back up claims? No.
Frank must be terrified and perplexed by the numerous concerns, motivations and options before him. Given time, I am confident that he will do the right thing, and peace will prevail. The world must of course be made to understand and empathize with the enormity of the personal injustices Frank has suffered -- doubtless more than his fair share of the usual thousand slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune!
More empathizing with agressor? Check.
Frank! We hear you! Frank! We care!
We know you care about him, you disgusting Frank-sympathizer. And it warms our hearts. Oh wait, no it doesn't. Funny how most of us don't sympathize with megalomaniac wanna-be dictators with violent tendencies.
We know that you are a valid, sensitive, concerned human being, wanting desperately to make contact in a cruel and insensitive world!



Certainly, once Frank knows that others have put themselves in his position, and understood his concerns, I am confident he will vote for peace -- especially when he learns that some of the finest minds in Norway are already dropping hints in Nobel Prize circles about "Frank J. -- man of PEACE."

Let's continue to lock arms while we link for peace.

And Nobel reference? Check.
Irrelevant Symbolic Protest? Check.
Exclamation Point - Word Quotient (measures overall shocked tone)? 13 in a post of 506 words: that's amazing.
This guy definitely passes the Liberal Moonbat Checklist -- and that's not a good thing. I want to go flush my eyes with soap and water. I can't believe I'm reading this.
WHERE DID YOUR SENSE OF REALITY GO? My blood pressure is going through the roof, and I'm only 18. (OK, calm down, deep breath...) I'm simply amazed, you America-hating, moonbat sycophant. You're sympathizing with a man who has clearly stated his desire to nuke the Moon in order to achieve peace on Earth. The man himself claims to be named "Frank", a word closely associated with France. Such illogic can only belong to the Left. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. Who let you into the blogosphere, anyway?

Good people of the Blogosphere, I'm telling you this plan will not work. The Michigander Peace Plan© is the only plan on the table with the muscle to effect lasting change. Note how I used the verb 'effect' properly in the prior sentence; only about .05 percent of English speakers can do this. My plan is simple: we must inform Frnak that unless he ceases his aggressive actions toward Instapundit immediately, we shall delink him. Since links are his lifeblood and reason-to-be (note how I avoid the French phrase, because I'm not a Frenchie-lover like Frnak and Eric), the threat of delinking will convince him to mend his evil ways.

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