January 13, 2005

dear library:
you might want to think about replacing the three-ring hole puncher from the seventies. i know it is from the seventies because it is that orangey-yellow sort of coloured metal that was no longer produced after nineteen-eighty-two. it only punches holes in one sheet of paper at a time. i'm pretty sure that we can find the money for a new shiny modern one considering the multi-million dollar expansion project that the library is currently undergoing. also, regarding that project: what the crap is going on right now? i'm pretty sure the construction people are pounding metal filing cabinets with large sledgehammers. not sure how that builds libraries. that's why i'm a humanities major.

dear january thaw:
welcome to ontario. enjoy your stay. stay as long as you like. just go away if the d*mn ladybugs come back

dear cold:
we're not friends. you make me feel like crap. let's make a deal. you don't bother me for the rest of my life and i won't whine about you.

dear crabby joe's employees:
that mini-blackout last night was fun eh? i still can't believe that you guys turned down our gracious request to help finish the beer before it got warm. what are regulars for anyway?

dear jerry seinfeld show:
your show is an accurate depiction of my dorm. that frightens and bewilders me. i did not realize that my dormmates and i were jewish yuppies before watching two seasons of you.

dear dorm room:
no matter how much i whine about how messy you are, you don't get clean. i don't understand.


Posted by Tim at January 13, 2005 12:52 PM

Timmy, you shouldn't make fun of the library's hold punch. Seriously, if they could earn a little money from library fines or something, then they could afford to buy new things.

Posted by: Kimber at January 13, 2005 04:58 PM

My wife thinks you're a genius because of this blog entry, Mr. Van Alstyne. You are already a surprising Michigan Dutchie, but now we have to further re-imagine you as a Jewish yuppie. Heh-heh.

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