September 17, 2003

I'm baaaack!

After a three week hiatus, I feel I must return. Why? Several reasons. One, a filthy lie has been spread about me and Collins and gay marriage in Ontario, over at Munuviana blog. Two, I see from my sitemeter report that I'm still getting 21 visitors a day, even though I've been gone for frickin ever and ever. Three, I miss you guys. (Awww...)

So, I was thinking: what should my big medium-to-small Returning Post be? Of course, something to do with Canada.

Top Five Things I Hate about Canada (in the order I think of them)

1. Milk in a bag. Horrible, horrible. This is the worst of all. Picture an IV bag. Now imagine sticking the bag in a pitcher, cutting a hole in the top corner and pouring milk out of it. I refuse to go near it; if I want milk I get someone to pour it for me. My dormies, lovely guys that they are, have taken to squeezing the bag at me or throwing it at me, forcing me to catch it if I don't want it to break at my feet. Grr.

2. Black squirrels. I don't know about where y'all are at, but in Michigan squirrels are brown. I swear, these animals have sold their souls to the devil. Also, they're unafraid of humans. Shudder.

3. Attitude towards guns. People keep asking me if I've seen Bowling for Columbine. Again, shudder.

4. Lack of Meijers. If you don't live in the Midwest, you haven't got Meijers either. I pity you. You know those super-Walmarts they have now, the ones with groceries? They stole that from Meijers, which is bigger than even the biggest Walmart ever. Oh, and it's open 24/7 except Christmas Day. Anyway, they haven't got them here and I miss them.

5. Politics. Both that all three parties seem to be pretty crappy, and the fact that the government just called elections. I mean, what the heck? You can't just go having elections whenever you think it's best for your party, eh?

OK, on to Things I Like About Canada

1. Money. Both that the exchange rate means that I basically get 35 free bucks for every hundred I change over (prices are about the same, but in CAN bucks instead of US.), and that they have one- and two-dollar coins (loonies and twonies). Makes so much more sense -- not only are coins more economical, but it's so much easier to pull out four twonies to pay for a 7 dollar purchase than it is to get 8 bucks out of your wallet. I like the coloured money, but I wish we would keep our green money.

2. More liberal ideas about alcohol. I can drink [legally] before any of my US friends. Well, except for the one who went to the Netherlands, but she probably won't be drinking anyway.

3. Canadians have cool accents.

4. Canadians use cool spellings.

5. I like winter.

OK, that's it for now. I'll try to write some more later (now that I have some boring classes, maybe I'll compose some good posts then.)

Posted by Tim at September 17, 2003 11:00 PM

You missed us? Awww... that's so sweet...

I can quite sympathise with bagged milk. The whole idea is horrible... Luckily we have mostly bottled stuff.

We have had loonies and twonies here for about ten years... Does that mean the people who use notes are behind? lol

Posted by: Cherry at September 17, 2003 11:40 PM

We've had dollar coins for twenty years!

Don't remember when the two-dollar coin came in.

Milk in a bag?! Barbarians! Milk should come in a -


Can it, Marvin.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 18, 2003 12:32 AM

Timber, why don't you explain to the nice Americans why the one dollar coins are called "loonies." Not all of them know about the bird.

Posted by: Jennifer at September 18, 2003 12:53 AM

Hockey fans know about the bird--we remember watching Gretzky chip the loonie out of the ice at the last Olympics, and Al Michaels explained it to us.

So the point of my story is--everyone should watch more hockey.

Posted by: Victor at September 18, 2003 05:40 AM

Oh yeah. Um, the $1 coin has a loon on it; thus, it was nicknamed the loonie. When the two-dollar coin came along, it was consequently called the twonie (toonie? not sure on the spelling, I've only ever heard the word).

Posted by: Tim the Michigander at September 18, 2003 11:05 AM

We've got black squirrels in Virginia, but they're very rare. Mookie had a heck of a time convincing a teacher that such a thing existed.

Milk in a bag? Ick. In Europe we had that non-refridgerated milk-in-a-box. Irradiated stuff. Hard to get used to.

Finally, listen to Victor. He is wise. You should watch hockey. Always. And root for the Sharks. Victor will disagree with that last. Victor is wise. But not that wise.

Posted by: Ted at September 18, 2003 12:31 PM

KILL THE BLACK SQUIRLS!!! My teacher didn't believe me! WHA!! i had nightmares for months after that squirl started stalking me. Oh well. And any way reason why the squirls are black (oh boy i'm being smart) is that in Canada its coldder and the black fur keeps them warmer. And they arn't around here often because the black fur is a recessive trait that is often over powered by the Brown trait. There fore 2 squirls have to get freaky and both have the recesive black fur trait to have a quarter percent chance of a brow squirl...

dude. I'm writing a post on this, i feel smart now.

Posted by: Rachael at September 18, 2003 01:04 PM

I really need to proof read.

Posted by: Rachael at September 18, 2003 01:05 PM

I once saw some red squirrels--I think it was in Springfield, IL. Really freaked me out. And I saw some gray ones too, someplace--Minnesota? 'Til then I thought all squirrels were brown.

Posted by: Susie at September 18, 2003 01:17 PM

Milk in a bag existed (or at least existed at some point in the early 90's) at certain Michigan elementary schools... but I do mourn for anyone who lacks Meijer. And yes, Wal-Mart Superstores did steal concepts from Meijer, right down to very specific layout design (specifically, the produce layout -- my uncle used to be a conceptual designer for Meijer)

Posted by: dagny at September 18, 2003 04:33 PM

Squirrels in New England are grey, though I've seen a few brown ones here and there, and even an albino one!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at September 18, 2003 06:48 PM

Yeah. That almost every Canadian I ever met was a stinkin' PINKO, really got under my skin. I told them all that I brought my guns with me... and that they shouldn't give me any socialist lip, or I just might go on a rampage.

Just remind the Redeemerites that gun-control isn't really NeoCalvinist... nor is State health care, or government controled schools. Tell them they should read Kuyper's Stone Lectures, then get back to you.

Posted by: Baus at September 20, 2003 11:58 PM

According to my college handbook, here in England I can still get my milk delivered in bottles.

How amazing is that?

I hardly drink milk at all, but I feel like signing up for this just because I figure it will be my last chance ever. A bit like riding to work on a horse.

Posted by: alexis at September 21, 2003 11:50 AM

Man, you're an American and you're complaining about our parties? That's weird. I agree with you with regard to the election date comment. Where are you at school? We haven't met, and we have to.

Posted by: Brian Dijkema at September 21, 2003 11:31 PM

I live in dorm 7, RA Simon LeSieur -- first parking lot, right next to the laundry room. My window overlooks the porch and has a sign ducktaped onto it supporting Natalie Armstrong for Senate. I'm the guy with the orangeish hair (though I might bleach it this week, in which case I'm not sure what colo(u)r it will be.

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