tm dot μ dot ν

To the annoying person whom I foolishly gave my email address a while back:

Dear Induhvidual who keeps forwarding me stuff,

I am far too kind to reply to your continued, unsolicited emails by ranting to you, but honestly I need to vent somewhere, and this blog is the best place to do that.

Frankly, I do not care about inspirational (read: made-up) stories about little girls in cancer wards who still manage to smile. I'm pretty sure that the email you sent me yesterday entitled "Fwd: Fw: Awesome Story I Love It!!! !!" is in violation of international Overusage of Exclamatory Marks standards and deserves to be rotting in some Belgian jail. If I get one more email telling me that if I don't pass it on to twenty or more friends then I don't love Jesus, I may just destroy my computer screen (and, as anyone who reads this blog knows, that would be equivalent to a crack addict shooting his own dealer since I'm horribly addicted to this thing).

Also, it would be lovely if you would check snopes.com or some such site before forwarding the important mesage that Madalyn Murray O'Hair has gotten the FCC to ban religious broadcasting. Guess what? Ms. O'Hair is dead. She's been dead. Also, HIV-infected needles are not being placed on gas pump handles by bitter AIDS victims. (The virus doesn't survive very long outside the human body anyway).

Honestly, I would rather get a spam message than a FWD. At least spammers are trying to make money, even if they're an incredible annoyance. Forwarders are just an annoyance, and they think they've done you a favour in the process.

Unless an email you get has you literally rolling on the floor (and I want proof of that, preferably in the form of pet hair all over your clothes), you will read it (if you want) then save it or delete it. You will not forward it to me.

Get it? Got it? Good.

Posted by Tim at November 19, 2003 01:32 AM | TrackBack